The Sarcastic Truth About Relationships (STAR)

Women's and Men's Prayers

2009-11-01T10:31:00.000-08:00

A poem that I liked very much! I can't remember where I got it, but I'll be sure to post it up here if/when I do.

Women's Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
Amen.

Men's Prayer

"I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store, a bass boat and lives on a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care!
Amen "

A Revision to the Trash you People are Posting! Part 2

2009-11-01T10:27:00.000-08:00

A continuation of the previous post: A Revision to the Trash you People are Posting! Part 1.

What Women Want

1. Honesty: "Try Honesty!" Yes, it works... it goes a long way. Men who can't be honest with a women shouldn't be with her. Women have Intuition, trust me we'll find out anyway.

Some of you women out there demand honesty, but then are upset when it ruins your perfect bubble of make-believe. In general, men are the more honest and surprisingly more loving of the two genders (this was a study, it's true!). Women on the other hand, I do not trust. We're manipulative, cold, grudging, and hateful. Women's intuition is a lie. Men have the same thing, they just don't make a point of showing that they're using it.

2. Trust: If you can't leave your man alone and are always looking back to see if he's looking at another female... you have a problem. Women always want to feel that they can trust you no matter what. So men think twice when you look at that pretty blond or whatever your into... Women want to tell there man whats on there mind there secrets so men listen up to your women!!!

Is this not in direct violation of what was stated above? as in "We don't care as long as you don't get her number?". Make up your mind, please. In addition, what does the last sentance have to do with the point!?

3. Loyalty: So hard to find these days. If you want to spend your life with a person and you supposedly love them then show your loyalty. She'll thank you for it later a simple gesture or it simply will make her day. If she's like this to you then she'll be greatful to you. Cheating is the number one dagger... Unfortunatly we all go through it, so men please be loyal or your gonna be the lonely one.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hypocrite! What happened to "it's the 2000's?". YOU don't want to be cheated on, but it's perfectly ok for you to cheat on him!? This is disgusting. It's a cross between pond scum and that white stuff that shows up at the corner of your mouth after drinking alcohol.

4. Time: We don't want to be rushed into anything thats gonna fuck us up. The reason we need time to meditate and to think things through and to see whats going on. The second point to this is if you're rushing us we'll draw back and get scared!!! Men take the hint: love us but don't expect us to move in after a week.

It's women that this should be addressed to. WE are the ones who want to rush to never-never land. Men actually spend quite a bit more time than us looking at the REALITY. We just see the fantasy life with 1.4 kids and a white picket fence. As well, the word "love" shouldn't be used here. If you love someone, I'm pretty sure moving in isn't an issue. As a note: MEN will draw back and get scared if a woman starts pursuing or pushing them into her fantasy mould. Leave him be until HE starts talking.

5. Understanding: Men, if you want a women to stay with you there is one thing you should do: LISTEN TO US!! Trust me, you'll thank me later. We want men that can understand the days we get frustrated and the days when our mouths move and were saying something. When your women talk take the time to listen; there may be a reward later on.

Some things women talk about ar mundane and nonsensical. No guy cares that the guy who was cleaning your teeth was rough and your tooth kind of ached for 5 minutes (unless the story is told with valuable sarcastic humour, assuming he appreciates a good laugh). If it's something serious, then talk to him about it. If it's not, don't stress him. THat being said, normal conversation is fine, it's coming home and whining for an hour about pointless stuff.

Difference:

"how was the dentist?"

"I didn't like going to the dentist, it was horrible and it hurt, my tooth ached for 5 minutes! do you think that's normal!? what if my tooth is....."

"it was fine. A little rough, but ok. How was your day?"

**how many times can a person say "Trust me" in an article!?

6. Respect: R-E-S-P-E-C-T !!!! Say it loud and say it proud gals. We want to be treated like we're queens. I mean come on, we treat you with respect (well most of us)... "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Men, if you don't treat us with respect we'll walk. Simple fact sadly...

So it's respectful when you cheat on him, don't listen to him, and call him insecure? Respect is huge, though. If we feel like your skank or something, we'll be down in the dumps. We love hearing that you think about us, or that you appreciate our presence. I'm not getting into the associations with "Say it loud, say it proud".

7. Companionship: If its just sex or just for him to have you on his arm when he feels like it then whats the point? When you love someone you want to have some form of a friendship as well as a relationship. You enjoy their company as well as you enjoy the kisses, you can be in their arms and know you're safe and secure. You can be yourself around them and don't have to put on an act for them: you are the real you don't be ashamed.

If it's just for sex, you won't be in love. If you're too blind to see that it's not just for sex, you're an idiot. All guys love the aspect of having arm candy. Let him have his fun so long as it doesn't go overboard (him bragging excessively, etc). Be real with yourself, you like it when he shows you off.

"You want to have some form of friendship as well as a relationship" I'd hope so! Friendship IS a type of relationship. Sex is a type of relationship. If you'd like a romantic, loving relationship, you need both!

8. Maturity: A man can't can be a man if he does not know how to be a man. Let me put it in simple terms ladies: most men don't mature until about 30, I mean you don't want an old man either, its cool to have fun and to be childlike but when a man can't pull his weight: how shall I say this: buh bye...

There isn't any instructional advice in here except "get a 30 year old guy". What will an immature little brat like this author need with a mature guy? Nothing. There are people your age who will be mature, you just have to look. A guy who drinks the most in your school, and runs around all night attempting failingly to sleep with a bunch of chicks isn't mature. Why would you want a completely mature guy anyways? You're most likely 16-18 reading this, not mature at all. Go easy on the guys.

9. Inner Beauty: Well women he may look hot but he could be a dumbass and a shallow asshole. Just because something doesn't always look good, that doesn't mean he is ugly inside out. He could be a really good person. So you think Mr. Right in the hallway is the Jock that may rock your socks... but he is a total dumb ass! Maybe Mr. Right is in the hallway as the average joe who sits right behind you in math; you never know.

Yes, but there has to be attraction. A guy whom your not attracted to may give you everything in life, but you won't be happy. That being said, a guy who is "hot" won't make you happy either, if he doesn't care for you properly. Just as a note girls: if you think a guy is cute, regardless of your friends or whatnot, think about it. Attraction is different for all people, embrace what you like. Who cars if you like pale guys, or skinny guys, or even guys that are "plump"? It's your life, live it.

10. Sex? Now it comes to this. Well now lets be frank; men always complain they don't get their satisfaction. What about us? We love to be touched and pleased too. As graphic as that sounds, Come on now, we get off just as much as you men do - we sometimes don't admit it, but we do! If we don't feel pleased as much as you do, and we don't see "fireworks" as we say, it won't be as enjoyable. Men keep this in mind: there's a difference between fucking, sex and love making, trust me.

1. MOST guys complain. They complain because their women do something like this: Have any kind od crazy sex to get a hold on them, then get them tied down with a kid or marriage or both, and then stop the crazy, kinky sex as they no longer need it to keep him. NEVER stop the kinky sex. You're a tigress, go home, tear his clothes off, and remind him of that frequently. I promise you the complaints will be turned into bragging and sheer amazement at your woman-ness.

a. You need to understand love to understand lovemaking.

b. the difference between fucking and sex is that one is terminology, one is slang. A good fuck can be amazing!

c. If your man isn't satisfied, you haven't communicated, and you aren't doing your job. It takes much more than just a naked chick to make a guy happy, they need to be stroked and kissed as well. Don't assume that just because he's a guy he only wants sex, either. Yes, he DOES WANT IT, but he may just want an intelligent, responsive partner too.

d. If you aren't pleased, you aren't talking to him. You're responsible for your "O". If he doesn't know what gets you going, of course it's going to be horrible. YOU know what you like, NOT him, so TELL him what you want. Guys like it.

e. Guys aren't the only ones with sex on the brain all the time. Ladies, you have it on the brain on average every 9 seconds. Not bad!

Well, I hope this helps you guys! Enjoy!
If you want, pass this knowlege around!

PLEASE DON'T!!!!! The revisions on the other hand......:P

Well, I hope you enjoyed. I think I'll pay a visit to the porcelain God now, as this note made me sick to analyze.

A Revision to the Trash you People are Posting! Part 1

2009-11-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

I recently have seen this posted by a few different girls. I say girls as if you truly believe this, you lack the maturity to be women. I've posted the original in bold.

"Men's Strange Behaviour" - Not that strange at all

1. Women want men that are polite and don't treat them like crap. Someone who is themselves, their true selves. When guys put on the other person act it's because they don't want you to see their nasty side or child behavour tutu...

I'm generally confused by the term "tutu", but we'll ignore it for now. I'm assuming the "they" in the above sentence is men. It's quite funny actually, the majority of men (not all of you out there :P) Have a tendancy to act like an asshole when dealing with women. They believe that women prefer an asshole to a guy who is most likely nice and loving. (Ladies, there are some that are generally assholes. As long as they aren't ever an ass to you, I don't give a damn). If a guy is acting nice, be suspicious as with all guys, but don't assume he's immediately a drug dealer or freak because he pulls out a chair.

2. Women don't mind if you leer at a girl just as long as you don't pick up their number when our heads are turned. You see its the terms (see-see no touch).

WRONG! Some women don't mind. Like all people, some of us are bothered by different things. Many girls won't care if you take a fleeting look at someone wo is noticeably attractive, but we WILL be pissed if we're sitting next to you and you're staring at someone we have no hopes of competing with. Even if we do stand a decent chance, leering at any girl (note: "leer" to stare intensley at) will make even the most confident of girls uncomfortable.

3. A possesive man + you = unhappy relationship. Women don't fall in this trap. Once he feels he has a hold of you he may never let you go... first it will start with "Baby, I love you" then to "We're married and you can't leave the house, wherever you go I'll go." When a man does this, it means he really loves you and does not know how to show it. Showing it is okay men, but to capture us like "birds" is another thing.

I have a partial agreeability with this. Being posessive is NOT ok. Being protective is. Here's the difference: "where are you going? who are you with? when will you be back?" versus "where are you going, in case something happens?". Being posessive and determining who your lady can see and who she can't is an issue which needs to be dealt with. Being protective and keeping track of some information lest something happen to her is different, she'll outwardly harass you for it, but inside she'll be happy because you don't want anything to happen to her.

*An exception and how to deal with it*

If she's seeing someone you don't want her to see, for any reason, DON'T whine and complain and shoot the other person down. Sit down with her and tell her why you feel this way, and how you would feel better. This can work with ex boyfriends, co-workers that are a little too friendly, and even people that you don't really know well (if it's a dinner, suggest going with her.). Always be caring during these talks, or she will resent YOU instead of the person you're worried about.

As an aside, Marriage is NOT a form of posessive behaviour, and possessiveness does NOT mean he loves you. It means that he loves the IDEA of you, and will do whatever it takes to keep you in his little world.

4. When a man gives a women shit for sleeping around, it's there own insecurity below the belt. Come on, its the 2000's and besides its fun! What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

This is sickening. NO MATTER WHAT YEAR IT IS, IT IS NOT OK TO CHEAT!

No matter what you tell yourself to sleep at night, it's WRONG. Here's why: When you're in a relationship, you build trust, desire, understanding, companionship, and possibly love. There are very strong feelings involved. When you cheat, you not only break this man's connections to YOU, but you make him wary of EVERY other girl in his life. By sleeping with someone else, you tell him that he's not good enough for you, that you don't appreciate him, and that you need someone else to be happy. Of COURSE he'll feel insecure! You've basically just kicked him repeatedly in the balls.

I want to punch whomever wrote this. "and besides it's fun"? You enjoy breaking the trust of people? hurting them? doing what you want at someone else's expense?. "What's good for the goose is good for the gander"? It's a true statement, but how in fucking hell is cheating good for anyone? You act like a child and get what you want, then have a temper tantrum about the 2000's? This makes me so sick.

5. He has a temper... well it's more like a baby throwing a tantrum. When he acts like this, again it's INSECURITY, that's the main word for a man. When they don't know how to act they react. This is their coping strategy. What to do? let him be the baby and walk away. If he hits, leave and never look back.

This author clearly doesn't understand men (not saying I fully do, just expressing that I at least have grasped the handle on understanding you guys...where this person is still looking for it...or not at all, evidently.) Insecurity is NOT the word for a man, it's actually synonymous in my head with the word woman. Ironic.

If a man spends enough energy to actually get mad (unless he's an immature twit, I'm basing my statements on MEN, not boys) there's a reason for it. Either you've prodded him to fury (quite possible as a woman) or there's something genuinely bothering him, and you should park your ass and listen. Men aren't like women, they don't fly into tantrums. They do quite the opposite and go emotionally cold for a while as they think of a solution for their problems. It is NOT insecurity, he's generally unhappy.

As his girlfriend/friend/wife/lover, you need to sit down, listen to him, pat him on the back, and understand him. Support him and be happy that he's trusting you enough (you cheating idiots won't understand this) to express his problems, and realize that he's being strong, not "insecure", "weak", or "a pussy".

If he hits you, leave.

6. When we get our period please don't go into some weird fit; your not the one staring at it every month so deal with it. All we ask is for some compassion, love and tenderness for our hard time :D

I don't see anything fundamentally wrong with this, so I'll put an aside. Women, don't use it as an excuse to be a bitch. Get a grip on yourself and learn that the people around you have done nothing to deserve your unholy wrath. Being a bitch is a choice, it just feels easier around that time of the month.

On a note regarding to sex and the period, make period time "him time". Let him turn on the game, or house, or the news (hell, even the weather channel or porn if it works), and give him some nice loving attention..you know where. A beer is always a nice touch.

7. A Women wants it to be acknowleged that she is alive. Some men like to treat women as though they are toys. You see, if you men treat us like toys we get angry and who knows maybe you'll be a puppet on a string! Watch out! TREAT US LIKE THE GODDESSES WE ARE !!!

Some people have seen too many Venus commercials. I'm in general agreement, although some of you 'women' out there are faaaar from being goddess-like (not in appearance, in heart).

I will say this: If he's treating you like a toy, don't take the time to make him your "puppet". You'll be doing the exact same thing, and playing mind games. Grow-up, move on.

8. When a women says no... NO MEANS NO! No explanation needed.
GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT....

Applies to sex, NOT to conversations, arguments, walking the dog, etc.

9. When a man doesn't call it can mean two things
1. he is not into you
2. this is a fact some men aren't phone people they rather be near your sweet face
You decide on that one.

WRONG. If he is the "sweet face" type of guy, and if he likes you, he'll CONTACT YOU to meet up. don't hang on a string for some guy who doesn't really like you.

**Contact doesn't have to be phone. It can be email, text, facebook, carrier pigeon, but he WILL contact you.

10. A Man is a man when he can grow up and face his problems. If he can't he is being a little boy....

A man is a man when he can love, support, appreciate, and trust you. Some men have issues dealing with their problems. If your man is like this, YOU need to support HIM while he goes through the learning stages of this one.

When the Rain Comes down, Patch the Roof yourself!

2009-11-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

Recently from more than one source I've heard the following: I need a boyfriend. This called for another note. Guys, this can kind of apply to you, but I haven't heard many girlfried comments invloving the word "Need" from you. Sarcasm is about to ensue, so if you can't appreciate it, don't sit here and waste your time and mine badmouthing the note. Thanks in advance ;)

On the topic of "Needing" a boyfrined, let's look at age. The majority of you are the same age as or a tad younger/older than me. Let's assume you're 17. What an earth is a 17-year old realistically going to gain from putting all their time and effort into getting and maintaining a relationship? You're at an age where your future could go in a billion directions, and you're allowing a strong influence like a relationship (which will 99% of the time be a fleeting one) to influence your choices. If you're like most people your age, you're dating someone your age, and chances are that THEY are equally (if not more) immature or unprepared than you for any kind of relationship that falls outside of a friendship context.

"It's Going to Last" - No, it's not. It's not supposed to last. It's a learning experience and trial time where you learn what to do, and what not to do in a relationship, and where you learn how to interact with people. "but you said there wasn't a point to it!" yes, I did say that. There's a point IF and only IF you're mature enough to learn from it, and to build healthy habits from it. If you start with the little dating relationships when you're 14-16, you're going to build a detrimental pattern. It goes something like this: get together, put everything you have into the relationship, run into a problem, break up. What's wrong with this? a few things.

Getting together. What could be wrong with this!? Nothing, until you fall into a pattern. Initially you find people that you connect with. You have a good time, like each others company, and are attracted to each other. That's fine. if you're one of the above who started this early however, your standards start to drop. you begin to chase after people (ladies...leave chasing to whom it's supposed to be done by. It's not worth it if you're going after him...guys chase what they want) who you kind of get along with, but that you're attracted to. After a while, you're basing everything on looks. If there's one thing we all know, it's that the lookers are generally assholes. Generally, for you nice guys out there who are absolutely delicious. if you manage to stick to your guns and only end up with those whom you connect with AND are attracted to (yes, in that specific order) you'll generally avoid the downfalls of the next few paragraphs.

Putting everything you have into the relationship. How much you put in = how much it will hurt. I'm not telling you to turn completely cynical and never love anyone or do things for them, just make sure they're actually worth the time and effort. Us women have a natural tendancy to give and give and give, especially when we feel a connection weakening. We have an even greater tendancy to do what we feel is necessary to keep a guy. read the following: NOTHING can save a relationship that NEVER would have lasted in the FIRST PLACE, so why are you trying? If it's meant to be, it will happen. This being said, extend the common courtesies that you would to a very close friend. Be there for them, apologize when wrong, have fun. No need to be an ass about it. If you get into this pattern with every relationship you're in, soon you'll have nothing left but bad, bad baggage, which no one wants to deal with really (plus, you'll most likely turn more than naturally clingy. We all have some natural cling, but after this kind of pattern, you turn into duct tape).

Reaching a Problem. It's a problem. They happen constantly to keep things interesting, and so that we can grow. Unless this problem is complete lack of attraction or connection, or violence or cheating, you really have nothing you can't work through. In these early, poorly developed relationships though, it seems like the first problem is always the undoing factor for people. He/She lied to you. Unless it was huge, like an STD or something (what are 16 year olds having sex for anyways!?) you can work through it. It doesn't mean trusting them right away, but it means giving them the chance to earn your trust back AFTER you've explained how it hurt you, and how it's damaged your trust. (They could retaliate and be a jackass about it, but at that point you let them leave. Don't let them get away with invalidating you). Everyone suffers these problems, and those in thorough relationships have learned to communicate and work through them. Guys, this means you too. If your gf does something that hurt or upset you, talk to her about it. Not fighting, but explain it. If you drop everyone at the first whiff of a problem, how do you think you'll react in marriage? in a long term relationship? how will you GET to a long term relationship? We're human. Him AND you. you aren't perfect. Live with it.

Breaking up. We all will do it at some point (well, there's a few of us who will be lucky....VERY few). A word on breaking up. If you sit there dreaming and fantasizing about the person who left, or who you were with, how are you going to find someone new? (for those of you who were in a long term relationship, this definitely doesn't apply to you. Eat your ice cream, watch hours of boring tv, and feel free to be mad. This whole note actually doesn't apply). In addition, if you're spiteful and get into a new relationship just to feel better, you're using the new person. You're punishing them for something that they have nothing to do with. Don't rebound for the love of God. It's sickening. there's one final aspect to the breakup. If you continue to dwell on it, you'll start to hate the person, and will generally learn nothing from the relationship. Analyze, learn, and move on. Don't get spiteful and bitchy and spread rumours, or go after the next person to be with them, or anything similar. The one that looks stupid to everyone else is YOU because YOU haven't moved on.

Ladies, if you're having trouble with your life, a relationship isn't going to save you. Only you can face the problems in your life, and only you can overcome them. Relying on a guy to get you through these things is unfair to you AND him. he has his own problems, and if you're looking to him as a crutch to make you feel better, you haven't learned anything from your problems. Once you start looking for a guy to make you feel better you also fall into the habit of taking anyone who comes along, regardless of if they're what you really need or not. You DO NOT need a guy. Only when you can stand on your own feet and are confident in yourself are you ready for a guy, otherwise you'll fall much, much further than you were in the beginning WHEN it ends.

Become confident with yourself first, let the guy come to you later. guys have this habit of coming when you're ready for them. It's a natural thing I'm quite sure. On that note, if you're one of thosse people who'se actually old enough to benefit from a relationship, just live your normal life. Don't change yourself completely to find someone, or you won't be happy. The only way to find those fairy-tale endings is to share common goals and beliefs. If you live your normal life the way you'd like, you'll find these people, they'll be doing the same thing. If you like Jazz, don't go to a punk show because you like the guys. You won't be happy with the results. If you support the war, don;t go to a peace protest for the guys, or because you like a guy there. The results will also not be in your favour.

Overall, you do NOT need a guy, and if you think you do, he doesn't need you either.

The Hot-Sauce Lover and the Home Improvement Committee

2009-11-01T09:37:00.001-08:00

Here's a note from quite a while ago, that a lot of you have asked me to put back up (a surprising amount of guys :P). I updated it a bit as my writing was juvenile-ish in Gr.9.

So, you're at the music store (or the mall or skatepark, respectively..) one day, when all of a sudden THEE hottest guy you've ever seen walks past you. Okay, maybe not. Never happens that easily (for most people), but there is a really cute guy at school or somewhere that you've had your eye on for a while. To you he's the most amazing thing you've ever seen, and you find yourself doing repulsively girlish things (the name in the notebook etc). You do everything to get his attention, from styling your hair differently to hiking that kilt up an extra inch (......skank!), to researching the engines of 16 different '68 muscle cars, and finally you've won him over and you end up together. Happily ever after will never, EVER apply, and you've just completely screwed yourself.

Here's where the trouble begins. Do you know why he wasn't interested at first? You weren't his type. Let me guess "Oh, but I am now!!". Here's the problem. You're a fake, and he's going to find out (in fact, he already knows, but enjoys the extra inch off your kilt). You've spent so much time on becoming something that you aren't that there's no way you'll maintain it, and you're going to look SO, so funny when it cracks.

The next issue is your actual personality. you'll feel unsatisfied because when you actually DO show your personality, he brushes it off or whatnot. You start to feel like he doesn't value you, or doesn't appreciate you, and that you're something to take for granted. It's all true. You've made yourself something tailored for him, and thrown yourself at him. Guys like a chase, and you really didn't give much if any at all. It would have been very, very obvious to him that you were trying to net him as you tried to be coy with your "seduction" (I use quotes here because it's absolutely moronic). for these reasons he realizes that you'll do anything to keep him, making him able to be irresponsible with the relationship. He doesn't have to be responsible in it.

As much as you'd like to blame him for this treatment, it really is your fault. Did you take the time to understand his personality? Do you share common interests? Do you both enjoy being around each other? I'm pretty sure the valid answer to all of these is 'no'. But, as a chick, you'll delude yourself into believing that these things are true. You really haven't invested any of the time or effort that you should have to be in a functional, happy, real relationship.

Eventually it either ends or he leaves you for someone else. When he finds this person (notice "find" and not "had handed to him") they get along great, they have fun doing all kinds of things, and he's aware of her, and is most likely in tune to how she's feeling. He's into her. "Why wasn't he like that with me!?" It's simple. You weren't what he needed, and you had nothing in common. They most likely share a lot of similarities, and have fun doing things they enjoy together, rather than clinging to each other for appearance. In some cases, yes, the couples don't have too much in common, but they're interested in each other. As time goes on, however, they end up dabbling in each other's hobbies and balancing (not intentionally, it just happens). They learn to enjoy these tings, either for the other person (not so healthy) or because they'd never tried them before and they really do end up enjoying these new things. If this doesn't happen, they generally separate after not too long.

This relationship will end. Like it or not, it'll come crashing (it isn't really high enough to crash...) to the ground. There isn't a basis of trust, friendship, truth, or love. without the fundamentals of a healthy relationship, how do you expect to support one? How can you work through the problems without the tools? You can't, and you won't.

-

Another favourite that women have is finding someone they're attracted to, and trying to change them when they find something they don't like. I like to call this the "Home Improvement Committee". You decide that you can better him, and help him change. That, is a crock of shit. You're actually pushing him into the mould of what you want, and if you're a woman who subscribes to the theory that there's someone "perfect" out there for you it'll be an impossible mould for him to follow while staying himself, and a dignified man. You're wrong. No man is perfect, just as no woman is perfect. We all have flaws, and the point of relationships (in my mind, which is where you are right now) is finding someone who's flaws you can accept, and eventually learn to love.

The saddest statement I've ever heard is "He's not perfect now, but he will be". What the fuck are you? A dog trainer? This is a person. You have no right to consider changing them to suit you. What kind of true love or care does that show? If you can't accept their flaws, you should evaluate where you stand.

Where do we get the idea of changing men? The same place we get the idea that every guy we date is "The One", and that we can make him "the One" simply because we're too impatient to wait. You can't make the one. There IS a benefit to approaching each relationship in this way, but none of you are using it.

The benefit:
By approaching each situation as though you're looking for a life partner, you can determine (rather quickly) if the person you're with is someone you could spend your life with.

The Common Approach:
Focus on netting him so that you'll have a life partner, and deal with the differences after (probably the reason for such a high divorce rate..).

Sounds desperate, doesn't it? You're focusing on the destination instead of the journey. It's a long, at times confusing road to figuring this kind of thing out, and by only looking at the destination you're bound to fall in quicksand along the way. Wouldn't you rather be in a happy relationship where you understand and accept each other than the tar pit that the majority of you are working towards?

A truly happy relationship is one where each person feels appreciated, can show their true personality, and where they don't have to feel inadequate for having flaws. By showing yourself, and being cautious, you're putting yourself on the path to a trusting, loving relationship based on acceptance and common interests. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve, but don't look for perfection.

There it is. Enjoy.

Ladies, Take Responsibility. It's Not always His fault!

2009-11-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

(Dedicated to those of you that have recently broken up with someone, and come crying to me for advice. Here it is. Chew, swallow, repeat.)

To those of you who wonder what the hell I'm writing about, read, and you'll learn.

I know how much we like to blame guys for our troubles in relationships, for infidelity, and even for communication issues, but we rarely (if ever) look at ourselves. If we do happen to do so, we normally focus on things that have nothing to do with our faults, but are based on the assumption that all men are dogs. While some men actually are dogs, the majority are either confused by what's going on, or are sick of the whole thing.

On the topic of men who actually are dogs, you'll know what I mean when you meet one. Everything in your brain yells "DO NOT PROCEED" but you do anyways. If you get hurt in the process, yes, it is his fault for being a prick, but it's also yours for not listening to the voices of (possibly) friends, family, and of course, his exes. Put down the rose coloured goggles ladies, and take a look at his character, NOT his perfectly toned abs (unfortunatley a lot of these jackasses just happen to be gorgeous. Move on though, there's plenty of decent looking nice guys too).

Moving onto the meat of the note (hahaha, ironic statememnt.). Some things that I've noticed.

a) If what you're showing isn't on the menu, keep it covered. Guys are visual. If you go into a club looking like a piece of meat, expect to be chewed on or at least sniffed. This isn't to say that you can't wear a nice low cut top, or a short skirt, just don't be overly-zealous about it. You're worth more than being a travelling visual buffet, and if you treat yourself like you are worth more, people will notice. Don't dress with everything hanging out, then dance like a slut and get mad when a guy makes a nasty comment. You get what you ask for.

b) Leading them on. Guys persevere (or at least most do). If you sense that he's interested, but you really aren't, don't lead him on. SO many girls do this that it's unbelievable. If you haven't told him that you don't like him, and he's buying you gifts and what not (or texting frequently) he's not a creep, you're an ass. Tell him. It's the only way to solve the problem. Furthermore, YOU have to be the one to do it. In a rare case, a friend will work, but unless he hears it from you it won't be fully understood. TELL THEM. Leading a buch of guys on to make yourself feel attractive is sickening. It's much more attractive to be straightforward.

c) Communication. Whether you like it or not, we do speak different 'languages', and girls are notorious for sending mixed signals. If you're telling him one thing, then doing another, don't be surprised if he's confused and does/says the wrong thing. As much as they hate to admit it, they do try to appease us. If (for example) you're mad at him, and decide to be completley cold for (what appears to be) no reason, he's going to get frustrated. Guys openly admit when they're mad at each other, where girls like to play idiotic brain games. try this instead. Sit down look him in the eye and tell him exactly why you're mad. Don't go into a 20 chapter story either. Yes, chances are he may not understand, but at least it's out there to think about. Now that he knows you're mad and why, be mad. But be mad maturely. Trust me, it'll get worked out faster this way than if you ignore him for (apparently) no reason.

d) Trust him. I know, I know, you trust him more than anyone in the whole world blah blah blah. When a drunk chick that you really don't know stumbles up to you at a party and says something suggestive, however, you immediatley build a complete scenario in your head of what might have happened. You then stomp home, and start the inquisition. in rare cases, something may have gone on, but for the most part the poor guy has no friggin idea what you're talking about, and you're convinced he's playing stupid. Here's a lesson: Women are the ugliest force on earth when they want a guy. They'll do anything to get to him (and I mean anything....shudder). Chances are that the drunk chick wants you to dump him so she can get her filthy claws in. If the situation ever comes up again, THEN you have reason to worry. Ask him about it, and trust his answer. By trust, I mean don't go through his facebook, phone, hotmail, and car looking for evidence.
On a separate note, if you have concrete evidence (a chat you stumbled upon, you found them in the sack, someone as close as your mother telling you what happened, you drop that fucker like a rock.)

e) You don't actually love him. Love is abstract, yes, but there are guidelines. Some of you do really love the person you're with. The rest of you, look up the words 'infatuation' and "lust" and you'll understand what I'm talking about. You can also take a look at my note "This Just Made my Stomach Turn", as I really don't feel like repeating this particular rant.

f) Cheating. I've always found this one the funniest. "It really wasn't that bad, it was only a kiss" or "If he loved me, he'd forgive me". The easiest way to make you understand this is simple: if he kissed another girl, would you be happy? or would you be so quick to forgive him? Don't say yes. We both know the answer. If he's been faithful to you and you've broken that, then HE deserves better. Let him move on, YOU don't deserve HIM. You may still be a nice person, but you have to let him go. If he comes back, then you can figure it all out. It'll be painful, but remember that if you leave him alone to think, he may want to work it out (or he may just ditch your sorry cheating ass).

g) Not supporting his ambitions. If you had the dream of winning a dance competition, but he laughed at you every time you brought it up, you wouldn't be too happy, would you. It doesn't matter what his dream is (unless it's criminal...), if you support him it'll help him greatly. I can't remember who said it, but "Behind nearly every great man was a supportive woman". If you're his, why not support him? What could it hurt? Just remember, no matter what he does it can't get as bad as Noah, and his wife was one tough lady.

h) The Player. You end up sleeping with or being cheated on by a guy of the player variety. I don't have much to say about this one except this: you knew he was a player and you still went along with it, and now you're crying because he did what he did to every other girl that you knew. Boo hoo. Get off your ass, keep your legs shut, and choose wisely next time.

Remember that you're worth more than dressing like a skank, putting up with an asshole, playing mind games, and leading people on. Prince Charming didn't fall for the town whore, he had his princess, someone equal and who trusted him to save her! Make an effort not to get as many guys as you can ladies, but to have class, be respectable, and to be the person he wants to know, not just wants to fuck.

That being said, a little fun can never hurt. ;)

This Just Made My Stomach Turn

2009-11-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

The other day I ran into this girl I know on the subway. We had gone to school together, and hadn't talked much since, but I was still decent enough to have a conversation. She was pregnant, and so I made what non-repulsive baby small-talk that I could.

We ended up going to the same place for lunch, where we entered a somewhat ugly topic. She had gone off her birth control so that she would get pregnant in order to keep her boyfriend. I really didn't know what to say to that, and so I just resorted to the usual asking questions about her relationship, and found that she'd been in what sounded to me like a secure, trusting relationship. What the hell could make someone do this in a happy relationship!? Her answer: I thought he was going to leave me.

wow. You got yourself pregnant because you THOUGHT he was going to leave you. I'm in no place to pass judgement on having thoughts about people leaving, but what rights do you have to suck someone into a life of parenthood when they're barely 18? She then went on to explain that she really, really loved him and so on and so forth, and I could just sit there and stare. If you love someone, wouldn't you want them to be happy? If you REALLY loved someone would you force them into a life like that for your own selfishness? I'll let you guys answer that one.

This then made me think about the state of peoples minds today. "I Love him/her because I get this fluttery feeling when I'm around them" or "They love me because they said so". I know that love is abstract...but even abstraction can hold some clarity. When you find people who really love each other, you find a recurring pattern: They do whatever is necessary to make the OTHER person happy, even if it's at their own expense (whether emotionally, physically, financially) they'll do what they have to to keep the other happy. How was she proving that she loved him by sucking him into early fatherhood? She wasn't. She was following the needy love that gets taught by the world today.

It really made me sick. Not really her situation, but the fact that she thought she loved him when in reality she was using him like a blanket. I know him as well, and he's a really great guy, and I can say right now that he's going to do whatever he can to build a family out of this, but overall it's going to hit both of them one day.

I guess the moral of this little rant is: Make sure you actually love them.