Recently from more than one source I've heard the following: I need a boyfriend. This called for another note. Guys, this can kind of apply to you, but I haven't heard many girlfried comments invloving the word "Need" from you. Sarcasm is about to ensue, so if you can't appreciate it, don't sit here and waste your time and mine badmouthing the note. Thanks in advance ;)
On the topic of "Needing" a boyfrined, let's look at age. The majority of you are the same age as or a tad younger/older than me. Let's assume you're 17. What an earth is a 17-year old realistically going to gain from putting all their time and effort into getting and maintaining a relationship? You're at an age where your future could go in a billion directions, and you're allowing a strong influence like a relationship (which will 99% of the time be a fleeting one) to influence your choices. If you're like most people your age, you're dating someone your age, and chances are that THEY are equally (if not more) immature or unprepared than you for any kind of relationship that falls outside of a friendship context.
"It's Going to Last" - No, it's not. It's not supposed to last. It's a learning experience and trial time where you learn what to do, and what not to do in a relationship, and where you learn how to interact with people. "but you said there wasn't a point to it!" yes, I did say that. There's a point IF and only IF you're mature enough to learn from it, and to build healthy habits from it. If you start with the little dating relationships when you're 14-16, you're going to build a detrimental pattern. It goes something like this: get together, put everything you have into the relationship, run into a problem, break up. What's wrong with this? a few things.
Getting together. What could be wrong with this!? Nothing, until you fall into a pattern. Initially you find people that you connect with. You have a good time, like each others company, and are attracted to each other. That's fine. if you're one of the above who started this early however, your standards start to drop. you begin to chase after people (ladies...leave chasing to whom it's supposed to be done by. It's not worth it if you're going after him...guys chase what they want) who you kind of get along with, but that you're attracted to. After a while, you're basing everything on looks. If there's one thing we all know, it's that the lookers are generally assholes. Generally, for you nice guys out there who are absolutely delicious. if you manage to stick to your guns and only end up with those whom you connect with AND are attracted to (yes, in that specific order) you'll generally avoid the downfalls of the next few paragraphs.
Putting everything you have into the relationship. How much you put in = how much it will hurt. I'm not telling you to turn completely cynical and never love anyone or do things for them, just make sure they're actually worth the time and effort. Us women have a natural tendancy to give and give and give, especially when we feel a connection weakening. We have an even greater tendancy to do what we feel is necessary to keep a guy. read the following: NOTHING can save a relationship that NEVER would have lasted in the FIRST PLACE, so why are you trying? If it's meant to be, it will happen. This being said, extend the common courtesies that you would to a very close friend. Be there for them, apologize when wrong, have fun. No need to be an ass about it. If you get into this pattern with every relationship you're in, soon you'll have nothing left but bad, bad baggage, which no one wants to deal with really (plus, you'll most likely turn more than naturally clingy. We all have some natural cling, but after this kind of pattern, you turn into duct tape).
Reaching a Problem. It's a problem. They happen constantly to keep things interesting, and so that we can grow. Unless this problem is complete lack of attraction or connection, or violence or cheating, you really have nothing you can't work through. In these early, poorly developed relationships though, it seems like the first problem is always the undoing factor for people. He/She lied to you. Unless it was huge, like an STD or something (what are 16 year olds having sex for anyways!?) you can work through it. It doesn't mean trusting them right away, but it means giving them the chance to earn your trust back AFTER you've explained how it hurt you, and how it's damaged your trust. (They could retaliate and be a jackass about it, but at that point you let them leave. Don't let them get away with invalidating you). Everyone suffers these problems, and those in thorough relationships have learned to communicate and work through them. Guys, this means you too. If your gf does something that hurt or upset you, talk to her about it. Not fighting, but explain it. If you drop everyone at the first whiff of a problem, how do you think you'll react in marriage? in a long term relationship? how will you GET to a long term relationship? We're human. Him AND you. you aren't perfect. Live with it.
Breaking up. We all will do it at some point (well, there's a few of us who will be lucky....VERY few). A word on breaking up. If you sit there dreaming and fantasizing about the person who left, or who you were with, how are you going to find someone new? (for those of you who were in a long term relationship, this definitely doesn't apply to you. Eat your ice cream, watch hours of boring tv, and feel free to be mad. This whole note actually doesn't apply). In addition, if you're spiteful and get into a new relationship just to feel better, you're using the new person. You're punishing them for something that they have nothing to do with. Don't rebound for the love of God. It's sickening. there's one final aspect to the breakup. If you continue to dwell on it, you'll start to hate the person, and will generally learn nothing from the relationship. Analyze, learn, and move on. Don't get spiteful and bitchy and spread rumours, or go after the next person to be with them, or anything similar. The one that looks stupid to everyone else is YOU because YOU haven't moved on.
Ladies, if you're having trouble with your life, a relationship isn't going to save you. Only you can face the problems in your life, and only you can overcome them. Relying on a guy to get you through these things is unfair to you AND him. he has his own problems, and if you're looking to him as a crutch to make you feel better, you haven't learned anything from your problems. Once you start looking for a guy to make you feel better you also fall into the habit of taking anyone who comes along, regardless of if they're what you really need or not. You DO NOT need a guy. Only when you can stand on your own feet and are confident in yourself are you ready for a guy, otherwise you'll fall much, much further than you were in the beginning WHEN it ends.
Become confident with yourself first, let the guy come to you later. guys have this habit of coming when you're ready for them. It's a natural thing I'm quite sure. On that note, if you're one of thosse people who'se actually old enough to benefit from a relationship, just live your normal life. Don't change yourself completely to find someone, or you won't be happy. The only way to find those fairy-tale endings is to share common goals and beliefs. If you live your normal life the way you'd like, you'll find these people, they'll be doing the same thing. If you like Jazz, don't go to a punk show because you like the guys. You won't be happy with the results. If you support the war, don;t go to a peace protest for the guys, or because you like a guy there. The results will also not be in your favour.
Overall, you do NOT need a guy, and if you think you do, he doesn't need you either.
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